Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
