im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
