I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
