don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
