I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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