Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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