There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
