He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
