My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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