so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
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