We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
