Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
