I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
