another moral hangover. fuck.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize