When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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