My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
