Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
