I feel great
I just peed on a car
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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