Kiss
Puke
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
