Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
