Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
