i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
