Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize