i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
