I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
