she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
