My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
