I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i will never coherently bang her
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
