i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize