does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
