Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
