i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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