I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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