I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
