I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
