Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
