weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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