That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We had to coat check the pizza.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
