i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
