I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
