Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
