You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
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