Man, jail baloney is awful.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
