I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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