i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
