He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize