She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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