I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize