Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
