hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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