i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
