Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
