i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
