She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
