Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
