Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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