If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
where are my eyebrows?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
