the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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