Kareoke will never be a sober sport
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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