he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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