I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Randomize
