hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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