when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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