shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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