I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
