This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
