that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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