I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
