Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
