He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
