what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
