I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
