fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Houston, we have a squirter
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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