I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We talked him into tasing himself.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
