So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Randomize
