we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
