Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
