bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
