He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
