wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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