So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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