so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
