ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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