apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
