Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Randomize
