She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I deserve this hangover.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
