id be glad to
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Randomize
