how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize