Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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