Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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