Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
