You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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