O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
