I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
