New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
