My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
