I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
