Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
