And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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